Dogs & Dreams

I graduate on December 12th at 9 a.m. That's exactly 67 days, 18 hours, and 58 minutes away (I'm so excited that I have a countdown on my phone). I've worked my butt off for three years to be a teacher, and I'm so ready to walk across that stage and grab my diploma. I'm more than excited to be a teacher and to have my own classroom. I have a great love for history, and I can't wait to share that with my students.

But even so, being a teacher isn't my dream. It isn't my life's biggest goal. 

 It's a way to put food on the table and to buy a few dresses at Target. And digital cable. To me, being a teacher isn't fulfilling enough for me. I have far greater desires in my heart that I've had longer than I've wanted to be a teacher. Some of these I've had all of my life. But they haven't come true...yet.

I was basically forced into college against my own will. Okay, that's not true, but my parents highly encouraged me to pursue that direction. I had two options- go to college, or go into the Air Force, and because basic training would probably make me cry, I chose the college route. It was the easiest and, what I thought would be, the less painful route.  I didn't dream of college. Therefore, because it wasn't what I had really wanted, it's been a very rough three years for me. Stabbing my eye with a dull fork would have been less painful for me than this "college experience" that I paid good money for. But now that I am climbing out of Dante's Seventh Level of Hell, I can now pursue what I really want out of life, which to me, is so much more worthy than teaching kids about the merits of the Reagan Administration (which is also highly important).

When I was a little girl, I wanted a hundred kids. I didn't know that it was physically impossible (and so illogical), but I did know one thing- I wanted to be a mom. Sometimes, when I'm around bratty kids in line at Wal-Mart, I can feel my uterus constrict up to my lungs. Perhaps children aren't for me, I think to myself as I scan yet another pint of Ben & Jerry's that I will cry into later that night. But today at church, I couldn't pay attention to the sermon because a lady and her very adorable little baby were sitting beside me, and I couldn't help but think that THAT is what I wanted out of my life. I thought about how much I wanted my little Sabra in my arms (that's what I would name my baby if I were to have one right now). One of my favorite pieces from the Bible is in Ecclesiastes: "To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven." (It's also a pretty good song.) It's just not time yet. For this, I am grateful for, because I don't think I could handle midnight feedings right now, but it's comforting to know that in the future, when I am ready, it will happen.

I recently told my mom, "If I have to hear about one more wedding or engagement, I will jump out of a window." I was exaggerating, but my underlying message was, "IT'S MY TURN, NOT YOURS! OH NO, I WILL BE SINGLE FOREVER. I BETTER START BUYING CATS. BUT WAIT- I'M NOT EVEN A CAT PERSON. I AM DOOMED." I recently had to tell someone congratulations on their engagement when I really wanted to say, "What makes you so deserving of this? Why not me?" Many of my good friends are married or have a significant other, and meanwhile, I sit at home and tap my fingers while binge-watching period dramas on Netflix. Then, to comfort myself, I go and read blogs about other people's lives in singledom, but much to my horror, some of them are a decade older than I am. "I'm over thirty and still single but that's okay!" No, no, no. God, if you love me, you won't let that happen to me. I had someone ask me if I was single because my last name was Singleton. I didn't know whether to cry or to punch them in the face. This is probably the area that has given me the most grief in my life. It's hard seeing other people live your dream and you're stuck. The Bible says to not awaken love until it's time. But if I try just a little harder, if I'm just a little louder, maybe it will happen?

I grew up in Texas, and I miss it every day. I was born in New York, but I lived in Texas from the ages of five to sixteen. I feel as though the land is in my bones. I wasn't made for Tennessee. As a matter of fact, I hate it. While I love being close to my family, Tennessee a quagmire of bleakness for me. Being here feels so suffocating. I've wanted to move for a long time, but I never had the courage to, until recently. Last night, I went on a hayride out on my family's land out in the country. I loved smelling the burnt tobacco and seeing the silhouettes of rolling hills in the moonlight. But, could I leave everything behind here? Yes. Yes, I could. We've had this land since the mid-1800s. This land should be coursing through my veins, but it's not, and it never will. Staying here is like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. My dream is to go back out west, whether to Texas or Arizona or the middle of nowhere, because that's where my heart is. It's been hard staying here and watching all of my friends leave to chase their own dreams and to go places far greater than this area has to offer. One of my favorite movies, It's a Wonderful Life, has the best quote that expresses how I feel: "I'm shakin' the dust of this crummy little town off my feet and I'm gonna see the world."

Also like George Bailey, I've dreamt of traveling the world. Growing up in the Air Force gives you wanderlust. I didn't have the privilege of living overseas, so I would love to see how other people live and immerse myself in their culture. I've always wanted to go to Vietnam and Quebec and connect with distant family. Unfortunately, I haven't had the financial means to do so. My best friend had the best time studying abroad in England right before the London Olympics. How exciting that must have been! I'm so glad she got to experience that for herself, but it wasn't feasible for me. I had too many responsibilities here and not enough money. I have a passport, but it is bereft of stamps. I feel so landlocked here. As much as I love America, I would love to see what the world has to offer. It's my oyster, after all.

So, what is my dream? I would love, love, love to travel the world. I want someone who is passionately in love with me and will want to build a life together...and will take out the trash and kill spiders and let me be in charge of the radio during long trips. I want two sweet little babies to love. I want an old Victorian house out west somewhere. I want to fill up my passport with wonderful adventures. I can get caught up with the fact that it's not happening NOW, but the thing that comforts me most is that every day that passes by is another day closer to fulfilling the deepest desires of my heart. It will happen soon. I think I now know what it means when it says in the Bible to pick up your cross daily and to follow God. It takes a monumental effort every day, and there are some times when the weight of your cross is too much to carry. You must have the mental effort to keep the faith every single day, because there are times when I feel like it's too much and I want to reject everything I believe in. Christianity is not easy, nor should it be. It's far too rewarding to be simple. I don't know why God is making me wait. I think God is trying to make me patient. But whatever it is, I can feel something good is going to happen soon in my life. Maybe it's a false alarm or a pipe dream, but the thought makes my cross a little easier to bear.

When we were kids, my sister and I really wanted a dog. Everyone had a dog except for us. For the longest time, my dad refused for a myriad of reasons. They were too much work, too messy, too complicated. We had to make do with lizards and turtles, which we enjoyed, but it was a substitute for what was really in our hearts. I don't know why my dad changed his mind, but one day when I was fourteen, Dad came home with a little black dog named Chompers that stole our hearts. Our great wish was fulfilled, and little Chompers was so worth the wait. So is everything else that I really want. And just like my little pumpkin muffin, it will come in its own time.

Writing My Heart Out

I remember learning about the Parable of the Talents in Sunday School, and being more peeved at the lesson than inspired. "To one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability." While they were talking about money in the Bible, it can also represent literal talents as well.

So...God gave me THIS talent, and someone else THAT one? God just gave someone MORE talents, and I'm stuck with just ONE?

I've been rather upset at the fact that I feel as though I've gotten the "lame" talents, while everyone  else has something cool. It seems as though everyone in my family  are wickedly in art, music, mechanics, etc. What am I good at? Writing.

I've felt let down in this department. Why couldn't I have been blessed with athleticism, so I wouldn't embarrass myself in gym? Why couldn't I have been graced with the vocal pipes of Stevie Nicks or Linda Ronstadt (my great-grandmother says I have a nice voice, so I'm holding out on this one)? Why was I stuck with writing? Anyone can write!

Then, I was reading A Tailor-Made Bride by Karen Witemeyer (an excellent book, if you're looking for a read), and the main character felt that not using her talent as a seamstress was a sin, because she was not using her gift that God had given her.

Really? Writing is a gift? And God wants me to use it?

Although I do sometimes wish I had a different talent, writing has been a passion of mine for years. Basically, ever since I learned how to write. I remember being amazed in kindergarten, learning how to write all the words I had already known. I was fascinated that d-o-l-l creates the word "doll," and that I had an image of the word that represented the object, and that I knew how to write it. I've had a notebook and pen glued to me ever since. I've started a hundred or more stories, but never seemed to finish one.

After reading the book, I realized that God did indeed bless me with this gift, and throwing it away would be disgraceful. I realized how much more I can do for God if I wrote for Him. Just like in the parable, where the master was angry at the servant for not utilizing his talents and investing them wisely, certainly God would be angry with me if I didn't utilize my talent to the best of my ability. And I can do so by not only writing a book, but perhaps by writing this blog.

Writing can take me on an amazing adventure. It can take places that teaching wouldn't, and it can give me a great sense of fulfillment and accomplishment. But most of all, it can allow me to glorify God in a way that I've never done before.

Leather and Lace

I changed my blog title to Leather and Lace.

And yes, I named it after the song.

Stevie Nicks and Don Henley would approve.

I was walking to the pool yesterday evening, and I just thought of it. It's the perfect title, and it describes me so perfectly! I'm a little bit of leather and lace. I'm leather because there's a certain toughness to me that most people cannot see. Plus, my love of rock and metal are pretty leather as well. I'm lace because I'm delicate and girly, and an old soul.

It's probably really lame and corny, but I like it, and it suits me. So, there's that!

XOXO,

Megan

Frivolous Spending

     Before I continue, let me make a disclaimer: I love spending money.

     Well, I have a love/hate relationship with spending money, but it sure is fun (when you have it). However, we Americans have a problem with spending money on the most stupid, frivolous things that are just money wasters. These things are so irrelevant, it makes me sick, and they are popularized by the Internet and the devil known as Pinterest. Here are a few of these money wasters that irk me...

1. Smash cakes

     I had never heard of a smash cake before until a few months ago. Basically, it's a small, separate cake that is for a baby's first birthday where he or she can "smash" it. 

     Stupid!

     Why would you spend extra money on a cake that is only going to be smeared around and played with? I get it, a baby's first birthday is special, and it's so cute to see them mess around with cake and smear it everywhere. But do they need a whole cake? What's wrong with just a piece of cake? Back in my day (the glorious '90s), we didn't have smash cakes. For my first birthday, my parents had my birthday party at McDonald's and there was one large sheet cake for everyone, including me, and that was enough. I didn't "need" a smash cake, and certainly no toddler "needs" one. It's just a frivolous expenditure popularized by our time that is just a big ol' waste of money.

2. Gender reveal parties

     When it comes to kids, people will spend an exorbitant amount of money, which is understandable. You need to capture memories and savor moments, which can require spending quite a bit of cash. But why in the world would you need a party to reveal the gender of your baby? That's what Facebook posts and group messages are for, idiots! Babies are precious, and yes, it's a time of joyous celebration, but with the baby showers, maternity/newborn photographs, birth announcements, etc..., people spend more money on a stupid party so they can tell people whether to buy blue or pink. Really, really dumb.

3. Save the Date announcements

     This one is probably the worst. Again, I had never heard of this until I saw it on Pinterest. It's a pre-wedding invitation telling people to "save the date" of their wedding. Isn't that what wedding invitations are for? Save the Date announcements are stupid because people spend more money doing exactly what wedding invitations do, so basically, these newfangled announcements are repetitive.

     I can somewhat understand it if a wedding is more than six months away, but if you're getting married within a few months and you send both a Save the Date announcement and a formal invitation, you're basically repeating yourself and wasting money. 

     Spend your money however you want to, but think about these things the next time you browse Pinterest.

I'm BAAAAACK!

After a four-month hiatus (I was super-stressed and super-busy with school and work), I am back in action! I have missed my blog, although I doubt anyone missed me. I am hoping to keep up with this blog more than I have in the past. Here's to hoping that it works out!

Songs That Should Disappear

***UNPOPULAR OPINION ALERT***

There may be some hurt feelings after this post, because I'm going to be brutally honest when I say that if I never listened to any of these songs again, I would be just fine. And some of these are genuine classics that EVERYONE loves. Except for me. I may love the artist, but some of their songs may be egregiously horrific.  Let me reiterate...these are not "bad" songs that are guilty pleasures like "Rico Suave." These songs are just plain awful. Drum roll, please...here's a compilation of songs that I cannot stand (in no particular order):

• "In the Air" by Phil Collins- I hate this song. It's only tolerable when Mike Tyson is singing it in The Hangover. The drum fill is not particularly impressive, either. I would much rather listen to "Sussudio." So sussu-sue me (pun very much intended)!
• "Born on the Bayou" by Creedence Clearwater Revival- This song was okay, until I was listening to it on the radio one night and it never seemed to end. It's not as terrible as some of the other songs on the list, but I would still prefer not to listen to it at all. 
• "Free Bird" by Lynyrd Skynyrd- The best part of this song is when it ends. I don't mind listening to an overly long song (I am, after all, a Zeppelin fan). But this one will NEVER STOP. IT KEEPS GOING. AND GOING. I love guitar solos, but this one is mediocre, at best. It's not interesting enough to keep listening to. It doesn't have the unique layers and intensity of Jimmy Page's outrageous solos. Plus, it's overrated. But I do like to shout out, "Play Free Bird!" when I'm at concerts for the heck of it...
• "She Blinded Me With Science" by Thomas Dolby- It should be, "He Deafened Me With This Awful Sound." This is a seminal piece from the '80s, but that doesn't make it suck any less.
• "We Will Rock You/We Are the Champions" by Queen- I'm not a Queen fan by any means (except for when I karaoke with my friends to "Bohemian Rhapsody"). I must change the station every time I hear these songs. Unfortunately, they're always played together, so the agony is doubled.
• Anything by U2- Without a doubt, my least-favorite band. You couldn't pay me to go to a U2 concert. "Sunday Bloody Sunday" is the only good song, in my opinion. Eww. I would rather listen to radio static than to suffer through "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For."

March Goals

Before I go over my March goals, let's go over how I did on my February ones:

1. Read at least one book- Ha, nope. Not even close.
2. Exercise for at least five days in a row- See above.
3. Cook something new- I did this, actually! I made chicken coated with olive oil, spices, and mozzarella. Pretty good, and cheap!
4. Get my parents' birthday gifts to them on time- Another miserly attempt. Sorry, Mama and Dad :( But they did receive some awesome gifts this year. 
5. Write two short stories- The problem with this is that when I write, I have to be inspired by something, and I didn't get inspired until this past week with an old family story. So, I hope to cultivate that within the following month.

Now, here are my March goals!

1. Lose five lbs.- I am not a nutritionist, so I don't even know if this is a healthy amount to lose in a month, but summer is coming, so let's just say it is for my sake. 
2. Work on the short story- It's a very interesting story, if I do say so myself. I hope to have enough time to work on it.
3. Write two letters via snail mail- I truly believe that writing letters is a lost art form. I used to send letters all the time, but email has rendered it useless these days. I have a couple of pen pals I will be writing. I've always wanted to have one, so this will be a cool project!
4. Keep up with current events- I'm horrible at knowing what's happening in the world. I do know that there are riots in Ukraine and rumors of Putin invading the country, but I could tell you little else. As an American citizen, I should know more about what is happening to this nation, and I will resolve this by reading news articles every day.
5. Have fun on Spring Break!- For the first time since elementary school, I'm finally GOING somewhere for Spring Break. I'll be visiting my dad in Georgia, and it will be so much fun hanging out with him. I also have other family down there, too, that I can't wait to see. The end of the month won't get here fast enough!

What are your goals for March?