March Goals

Before I go over my March goals, let's go over how I did on my February ones:

1. Read at least one book- Ha, nope. Not even close.
2. Exercise for at least five days in a row- See above.
3. Cook something new- I did this, actually! I made chicken coated with olive oil, spices, and mozzarella. Pretty good, and cheap!
4. Get my parents' birthday gifts to them on time- Another miserly attempt. Sorry, Mama and Dad :( But they did receive some awesome gifts this year. 
5. Write two short stories- The problem with this is that when I write, I have to be inspired by something, and I didn't get inspired until this past week with an old family story. So, I hope to cultivate that within the following month.

Now, here are my March goals!

1. Lose five lbs.- I am not a nutritionist, so I don't even know if this is a healthy amount to lose in a month, but summer is coming, so let's just say it is for my sake. 
2. Work on the short story- It's a very interesting story, if I do say so myself. I hope to have enough time to work on it.
3. Write two letters via snail mail- I truly believe that writing letters is a lost art form. I used to send letters all the time, but email has rendered it useless these days. I have a couple of pen pals I will be writing. I've always wanted to have one, so this will be a cool project!
4. Keep up with current events- I'm horrible at knowing what's happening in the world. I do know that there are riots in Ukraine and rumors of Putin invading the country, but I could tell you little else. As an American citizen, I should know more about what is happening to this nation, and I will resolve this by reading news articles every day.
5. Have fun on Spring Break!- For the first time since elementary school, I'm finally GOING somewhere for Spring Break. I'll be visiting my dad in Georgia, and it will be so much fun hanging out with him. I also have other family down there, too, that I can't wait to see. The end of the month won't get here fast enough!

What are your goals for March?

Live and Let God

I have a horrible time giving God ultimate power in my life. I know from experience that He is always good and exceeds my expectations, but I'm still afraid to relinquish control. Humans can serve two masters- sin or God. Of course, God is merciful, so there is no slavery with Him, but freedom. Even though this is reassuring, it's still very, very hard to give up control. We think we know best. We think God will mess up, or not give us what we really want. It's a bitter pill to swallow, and a trial that most Christians go through.

It's funny, we live in an extremely lazy society, where we don't want to do anything for ourselves, and would rather blame others for our misfortune, but we don't want to let God do His part, which is to place all of our burdens upon Him. Jesus is the one who said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burden, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28). You would think that with our lazy society, we would be jumping for joy at that verse and gratefully giving God all of our problems, so we don't have to deal with it. Yet, we don't. We would much rather put it all on ourselves, when God wants us to depend on Him, not on ourselves.

When I was ten, I started a box to put all of my worries in. This was helpful for me, because I was overly-anxious about everything, and I think it helped alleviate some of my worries. Recently, I was reading Redeeming Love (the best book ever, by the way), and it mentions a prayer box, where you submit your prayers to God, and after you do, it becomes His problem, not yours. It reminded me of my worry box, and the comfort that it brought to me, so I've decided to do a prayer box as well. Whether or not I will completely "let go" is a question in of itself, but it's worth a shot!

Here are some things I will include:

• Friendships- I think you all are tired of reading about my horrendous social history, and I'm tired of thinking about it. You can never have too many friends, and I'm looking for true sisters in Christ who can help me grow to be a better person.
• Marriage- It's weird...my parents have always told me, "Don't get married until after you graduate from college!" from the time I was a little girl. Now that I'm going to graduate in less than a year, I guess I'm now allowed to (almost) get married! My mom has even made comments, stating, "Whenever you get married..." more often now. Call me traditional, but I have always wanted to be a wife and have children with the house and white picket fence and the whole nine yards. If it's a goal of mine, as it is, shouldn't I be pursuing it, especially since I'm of age now? It's something I look forward to in the future, and I want to start praying about it now.
• Adventure- I've had a plain vanilla cycle of existence for the past few years. Work. School. Work. School. Netflix. Work. School. Homework. Get distracted, watch Netflix. There's so much more to life that God has to offer, and I'm not doing myself any favors by caging myself. I believe God will present opportunities for me. 

I'm sure I'll have a whole list going once I start this. I encourage everyone to do this. Pin your hopes, dreams, worries, fears, desires, etc., all upon God. I promise, you won't be disappointed.

God bless!

XOXO,

Megan

Nostaliga, Pt. 2

I had so much fun doing Nostalgia, Pt. 1 and reliving some of the coolest parts of my childhood. I'm glad I decided to make this a regular series in my blog! Here are three more throwbacks...



1. Wimzie's House

PBS had awesome programming back in the 1990s. One of my favorite shows was Wimzie's House. Unfortunately, NO ONE REMEMBERS THIS SHOW! It was the cutest show of this half-dragon/half-bird and her friends. I can still hear the theme song in my head...ahhh, it just screams 1998. Good year, good year.



2. Singled Out 

Not only did I grow up on a steady diet of PBS and Disney, I also watched a lot of MTV with my parents. They were young in the 1990s, and even though they had kiddos, they were still very much hip and relevant to the their generation (thank goodness for that!). Because of that, I also took part in the pop culture of the 1990s. 'Tis a gift that I thank my parents for.

Singled Out  was me and my mom's SHOW! However, I had no idea what was going on. I only knew that Jenny McCarthy was blonde and pretty, like a Barbie doll, and I wanted to be like her. It was pretty entertaining, even though the basic premise of the show was way over my three-year-old head.



3. Dial-Up Internet



OH, THE HORROR! Of course, we didn't know anything different. We would just type in a web address, make a sandwich or two, then come back in thirty minutes to see if it was loaded or not. Downloading images was the WORST. That seemed to take twice as long. What was even worse was hearing this phrase: "Get off the Internet, I got to make a call!" Or, "I tried calling you, but you were on the Internet."

Then came the magic of high-speed Internet. It was like forbidden magic. If it was 17th century New England, we would have called it witchcraft and had it burned at the stake. But after a lifetime (eleven years, to be exact) of dial-up, it was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. I can clearly remember the day we got high-speed. My sister and I kept on clicking different websites, and to our amazement, IT SHOWED UP IMMEDIATELY! And the best part was that we could stay online AND OUR PARENTS COULD TALK ON THE PHONE! WOOO!

Peeking Out of My Shell

So, in my last post, I blogged about reclaiming my life and refusing to be victimized. I am slowly but surely trying to climb out of the hole I dug myself in, one step at a time.

I am hardly ever the initiator of a get-together. To me, it screams DESPERATION. Hey, I'm a lonely loser. Pity me for an hour over coffee, please? I decided that if I were to ever expand my circle of friends and come out of my loneliness, I needed to do something about it. I can't wait for things to fall into my lap, because I've been waiting for quite some time, and nothing has happened. It was time to take matters into my own hands.

I decided to go out for coffee with a girl I had been acquainted with some time ago. She is super-sweet, non-judgmental, and as talkative as I am, and I had always thought we would be great friends. We had coffee about a year ago, but in my shyness, I had never invited her to do anything else with me. I decided I'd reach out again, just to see if I could open myself out to one more friend. It worked spectacularly! It was much easier to open up and to be myself than I had thought. We even have plans coming up! I'm so excited. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship...

That same day, I also did the unthinkable- I went to a party. By myself.

GASP.

 I know, I know, completely out of character, but I thought I'd grow some balls and do it. It was an '80s murder mystery party. If you know anything about me, I LOVE the 1980s. I'm the queen of '80s music, movies, trivia, fashion, etc. I even dressed in an '80s prom/bridesmaid's dress for my senior homecoming. I was in my element at this party. It was really cool to create a different character and to scheme my way through the mystery. But then, it was winding down and everyone was out of character, and here I was, sitting on the floor singing to Journey completely alone, while everyone else was having a grand ol' time dancing and laughing and living. My mind immediately went back twelve years into the past when I would sing to myself on the playground while the other kids ran circles around me, not noticing me and my lonely soul. It was a weird deja vu feeling, and I began to feel a little sad.

No, I didn't completely open myself up at the party, but it was a huge leap for me, and that's all I can ask of myself. I'm not going to turn into a social butterfly immediately, but I made progress, and I'm proud of myself. I have a lot of work to do, but I know I can do it, one day at a time...

Pork and Beans

Metallica's one of my all-time favorite bands. In one of their songs, "Escape," it talks of freedom from the status quo and the power of individuality. Life's for my own to live my own way. I've said that for years, but now it's time to implement it into my life.

I've struggled with self-confidence issues my whole life, just like anyone. However, many events in my life have magnified my issues. I've been beaten down, discouraged, and felt as small as a soul could feel. I've constantly waged battles in my head. You're no good. It would be better if you died. You're an awful person. You don't deserve anything. You're mediocre.

As a coping mechanism, I've protected myself by becoming insular. When I went to college, I didn't set out to meet friends. I didn't need them. Why would I? They would only abandon me. I was there for a degree, not for friendships. Plus, they wouldn't really want me as a friend. I'm too much of a mess. I'm not as good as they are. As a consequence, I've been unhappy and lonely. I've made myself to be the victim.

I can't victimize myself any longer. When I do, the Devil wins. That's what he ultimately wants, a broken spirit. I've caged myself in for so long, it's time for me to fly. And I know I can go places. I can do anything I want to do. Life's for my own to live my own way. I just have to push through the guilt, the pain, the shame, and be free. I've persevered through so much, I can push myself further. I can do anything I set my mind to do. I'm just as good as anyone else in this world, and I deserve the happiness that's waiting for me.

Tomorrow, I'm going to a Murder Mystery party. I usually shun any social event out of fear and shyness. But not this time. I will go there and shine and be the Megan I know is buried underneath the scar tissue: fun-loving, silly, social, talkative, warm...If I let the Devil win, I will not have a life. I will be ensnared in sorrow for the rest of my life. I have so much to give. The world is my oyster, and I should take advantage of every opportunity. I only get one chance at life; it's time I started living that way. I am a child of God, a woman of worth, a force to be reckoned with. I can do it.

So, I'll start doing things MY way, and not feeling guilty whatsoever. I'm going to do more that makes me happy, whether watching Netflix or rock climbing. I'm going to find my strengths and cultivate them. I will expand my horizons and stop letting fear preventing me from living.

This is by no means a "poor me" post. I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me. I want people to feel empowered. I've had it tough, and I know everyone has issues they have to deal with. With the grace of God, anyone can get through anything. In Philippians 4:13, it states, "I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me." And that's a promise. He's helped me overcome many obstacles, and I know if I have Him in sight, I will find happiness. My experiences have given me inner-strength and perseverance. I can use those qualities to find happiness.

I began this post with a song, and I will end it with a song:

I'ma do the things that I wanna do,
I ain't got a thing to prove to you.
I eat my candy with the pork and beans.
Excuse my manners if I make a scene

I ain't gonna wear the clothes that you'll like.
I'm fine and dandy with the me inside.
One look in the mirror and I'm tickled pink.
I don't give a hoot about what you think.

XOXO,

Megan

Nostalgia Pt 1

I am notoriously sentimental. When I was living at home, I was often scolded for "reminiscing," rather than cleaning. Sorry I have so many memories I love to savor and relive! So, I thought about starting a series on my blog on things that bring back a total wave of nostalgia. While it's not good not continually look to the past, you must look back to know which way you are moving forward. So, here are the first three items of nostalgia!

1. Stirrup Pants

Leggings or pants? You choose.

Who remembers these bad boys? They were quite popular in the mid-1990s. I had one pair of red stirrup pants that my mom made me wear for a day. They were so uncomfortable, and I hated that band of fabric under my feet, so I whined and cried until Mom gave me another pair of pants. I've never worn stirrup pants again, but now I think they would be a useful wardrobe staple, especially when wearing boots...


2. Barbie's Fold-Out House

Magical memories were made in this house. This was the most tricked-out Barbie house any young girl could have had in 1997. It came with furniture, EVEN A BED! The coolest part was the revolving TV/mirror that you could spin the TV into the bedroom so Barbie and Ken could catch up on late night TV before they hit the sack. Listen, I am a grown 21-year-old woman, and I still salivate over that house.

3. The X-Files

There was not, and has not, been a more creepier show than The X-Files. I made the mistake of watching it once with my dad, and it has scarred me. I watched five minutes of this show, and I have been scared of this show for the past fifteen years. The eerie theme music is playing in my mind right now as I type this. What's up with the creepy whistling? Also, as if the show couldn't get any weirder, what's with the names Mulder and Scully? Creeeeeepy. 

Despite its weirdness, it did foster my ongoing crush on David Duchovny.

Olympic Fever

I'm an Olympic junkie. I followed the 2012 London games with enthusiasm, and I went through a major withdrawal, so I'm excited that the Olympics are back! The games are permeated with the patriotism and pride that is normally not present in everyday life here in the U.S.A. Unfortunately, it seems that every other nation has less-than-favorable opinion of our country. Heck, even Americans hate America. But during the Olympics, there's a great sense of national pride. I love hearing the chants of "USA! USA! USA!" We come together as one to support our athletes and to elevate the United States.

But as I watch these young athletes winning medals and achieving their dreams, I often think to myself, "They've accomplished more than I ever will in my entire life." I may never do something as incredible as compete in the Olympics. I may just be a pretty good teacher, and leave it as that. I may instill a love of all things history to my students, but where do I leave the mark for myself? Where's my legacy? Will I always have this ordinary life with nothing to show for it? Do I have the potential to do something great with my life? Are people predestined for great things, and some destined to sit on the sidelines?

When I was seven, I started playing the violin. I quit about a year later for many reasons (one of them being that I wasn't learning how to play rock and roll). Can you imagine how GOOD I would be if I never quit? I could have earned a ticket to Julliard. When I was in high school, I wanted to be an actress, but I surrendered that as well. What if I have great potential inside me to win Oscars and Golden Globes?

I've always felt that I was destined to do something great. I don't know what my destiny is, but I don't think it is merely raising the average test scores of students and grading papers my whole life. I might have something great inside of me, some untapped potential. Who knows, maybe I have the ability to be an Olympic champion in curling (I would bet on it...part of my family is from Canada). You only get one chance at life...why not make the best of it and try to be the very best you can be?

So, as you sit watching figure skating and hockey, don't get discouraged by your lack of success. There is potential inside of everybody.

Be My Valentine

Every year, I vow to have a special someone by Valentine's Day, and every year, I am disappointed. This year was no different...at first.

Originally, I had planned to spend my Valentine's Day as I usually do- curl up with a blanket, watch copious amounts of Netflix, and sulk while torturing myself with Instagram pics of girls and their Valentines. Bitter, sad, and single on Valentine's Day...oh, how lovely!

Fortunately, my BFF saved me from a day filled with self-pity and Ben & Jerry's. We went to Green Hills in Nashville and painted the town red! Actually, brown would be a better color, because we slipped in mud. But I digress...we went to the movies and saw Endless Love while we were on a three hour wait list to eat at the Cheesecake Factory. Yes, we waited nearly three hours to eat cheesecake. And it was worth every delicious morsel.

It didn't stop there. My mom gave me her traditional box of chocolates that she has done for years and years. Then, my dad and stepmom sent me a wonderful card in the mail. Even though I'm twenty-one years old and on my own, it felt so great to be remembered by the most special people in my life.

Yes, Valentine's Day is mainly geared toward overly-gushy couples, but it's not excluded to your significant other or your spouse; it's about showing your loved ones that you care about them, and that your love for them is unconditional. Valentine's Day may also be a conspiracy set up by the government to induce consumer spending (well played, Congress), but it's still a fun holiday to celebrate. It also gives us the excuse to eat an entire box of chocolates in one sitting.

However, love and affection should not be shown ONLY on Valentine's Day. As James Taylor once sang, Shower the people you love with love; show them the way that you feel...every day!

While I didn't have a hot boyfriend pelting me with rose petals, I did have the best Valentine's Day ever with the people I love most in this world. And that's what counts.

Until next time...

XOXO,
Megan

February Goals

Here's another factoid about me- I LOVE making lists. LOVE IT! I even like making grocery lists. And as you can see from my lengthy New Year's Resolution post, I love goal-oriented lists (even though I never finish them). When I recently came across two blogs that had monthly goals, my heart fluttered at the sight of yet another list for me to make. While New Year's Resolutions are very broad and large goals, monthly goals can be baby steps. Completing these will increase my confidence to follow through to my larger goals.

Here's my list of goals for February...

1. Read at least one book- I've picked up Janette Oke's When Calls the Heart at the library. I'm a sucker for sugary sweet Christian romance novels. Plus, the movie is great!
2. Exercise for five days in a row- You all may laugh at this, but I'm serious!
3. Cook something new- I love to cook, so this one will be interesting. Plus, I'm getting tired of Minute Rice...
4. Get my parents' birthday gifts to them on time- I'm horrible about this. Both of their birthdays are this month, and it always sneaks up on me. 
5. Write two short stories- Writing is a creative outlet for me. I need to do more of it!
   

I encourage you all to set monthly goals for yourself, and I hope you all complete whatever goals you have set! February is a short month, so we better get started! :)

Confessions

Apparently, people are doing confessions on Facebook this month. I really don't have a lot of confessions, because I don't have much to hide, and my life is pretty much an open book. I tried to think of interesting things that would make great confession material, but I have very little. However, I am offering a few interesting tidbits that I think are funny (or maybe they're pitiful, depends on your perspective).

1. I drank from a sippy cup until I was in elementary school. One reason is that I have a younger sister, so it was easier for us all to have sippy cups. But the main reason was that I was too clumsy to drink from regular cups.
2. I had the worst crooked teeth EVER. I cringe every time I look at a photo of myself from between the ages of nine to fourteen. They were rough years.
3. My right pinky is crooked from a basketball mishap.
4. I recently cut my hair about three to four inches shorter. I cried through the whole process.
5. Sometimes I cry when I think/listen/talk about Led Zeppelin.
6. I regret my entire collegiate experience thus far. But that's okay, I'm outta here in T-minus ten months and one week. Not that I'm counting...
7. My sister and I had a succession of pet turtles that were each named Turd. Turd I, Turd, Jr., and Turd the Third.
8. Turd the Third died when my dad accidentally left it outside. 
9. My parents, bless their hearts, always encouraged my nerdy interests. They bought me educational books, a telescope, a microscope, and a solar system model. Never once did they think to themselves, "Will our daughter ever have a normal social life?" Thank you, Mom and Dad...seriously!
10. I hate blood, even my own. It's so gross! But surprisingly, my favorite movie is the ever-gory Goodfellas. What can I say, I am a walking paradox.