Dogs & Dreams

I graduate on December 12th at 9 a.m. That's exactly 67 days, 18 hours, and 58 minutes away (I'm so excited that I have a countdown on my phone). I've worked my butt off for three years to be a teacher, and I'm so ready to walk across that stage and grab my diploma. I'm more than excited to be a teacher and to have my own classroom. I have a great love for history, and I can't wait to share that with my students.

But even so, being a teacher isn't my dream. It isn't my life's biggest goal. 

 It's a way to put food on the table and to buy a few dresses at Target. And digital cable. To me, being a teacher isn't fulfilling enough for me. I have far greater desires in my heart that I've had longer than I've wanted to be a teacher. Some of these I've had all of my life. But they haven't come true...yet.

I was basically forced into college against my own will. Okay, that's not true, but my parents highly encouraged me to pursue that direction. I had two options- go to college, or go into the Air Force, and because basic training would probably make me cry, I chose the college route. It was the easiest and, what I thought would be, the less painful route.  I didn't dream of college. Therefore, because it wasn't what I had really wanted, it's been a very rough three years for me. Stabbing my eye with a dull fork would have been less painful for me than this "college experience" that I paid good money for. But now that I am climbing out of Dante's Seventh Level of Hell, I can now pursue what I really want out of life, which to me, is so much more worthy than teaching kids about the merits of the Reagan Administration (which is also highly important).

When I was a little girl, I wanted a hundred kids. I didn't know that it was physically impossible (and so illogical), but I did know one thing- I wanted to be a mom. Sometimes, when I'm around bratty kids in line at Wal-Mart, I can feel my uterus constrict up to my lungs. Perhaps children aren't for me, I think to myself as I scan yet another pint of Ben & Jerry's that I will cry into later that night. But today at church, I couldn't pay attention to the sermon because a lady and her very adorable little baby were sitting beside me, and I couldn't help but think that THAT is what I wanted out of my life. I thought about how much I wanted my little Sabra in my arms (that's what I would name my baby if I were to have one right now). One of my favorite pieces from the Bible is in Ecclesiastes: "To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven." (It's also a pretty good song.) It's just not time yet. For this, I am grateful for, because I don't think I could handle midnight feedings right now, but it's comforting to know that in the future, when I am ready, it will happen.

I recently told my mom, "If I have to hear about one more wedding or engagement, I will jump out of a window." I was exaggerating, but my underlying message was, "IT'S MY TURN, NOT YOURS! OH NO, I WILL BE SINGLE FOREVER. I BETTER START BUYING CATS. BUT WAIT- I'M NOT EVEN A CAT PERSON. I AM DOOMED." I recently had to tell someone congratulations on their engagement when I really wanted to say, "What makes you so deserving of this? Why not me?" Many of my good friends are married or have a significant other, and meanwhile, I sit at home and tap my fingers while binge-watching period dramas on Netflix. Then, to comfort myself, I go and read blogs about other people's lives in singledom, but much to my horror, some of them are a decade older than I am. "I'm over thirty and still single but that's okay!" No, no, no. God, if you love me, you won't let that happen to me. I had someone ask me if I was single because my last name was Singleton. I didn't know whether to cry or to punch them in the face. This is probably the area that has given me the most grief in my life. It's hard seeing other people live your dream and you're stuck. The Bible says to not awaken love until it's time. But if I try just a little harder, if I'm just a little louder, maybe it will happen?

I grew up in Texas, and I miss it every day. I was born in New York, but I lived in Texas from the ages of five to sixteen. I feel as though the land is in my bones. I wasn't made for Tennessee. As a matter of fact, I hate it. While I love being close to my family, Tennessee a quagmire of bleakness for me. Being here feels so suffocating. I've wanted to move for a long time, but I never had the courage to, until recently. Last night, I went on a hayride out on my family's land out in the country. I loved smelling the burnt tobacco and seeing the silhouettes of rolling hills in the moonlight. But, could I leave everything behind here? Yes. Yes, I could. We've had this land since the mid-1800s. This land should be coursing through my veins, but it's not, and it never will. Staying here is like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. My dream is to go back out west, whether to Texas or Arizona or the middle of nowhere, because that's where my heart is. It's been hard staying here and watching all of my friends leave to chase their own dreams and to go places far greater than this area has to offer. One of my favorite movies, It's a Wonderful Life, has the best quote that expresses how I feel: "I'm shakin' the dust of this crummy little town off my feet and I'm gonna see the world."

Also like George Bailey, I've dreamt of traveling the world. Growing up in the Air Force gives you wanderlust. I didn't have the privilege of living overseas, so I would love to see how other people live and immerse myself in their culture. I've always wanted to go to Vietnam and Quebec and connect with distant family. Unfortunately, I haven't had the financial means to do so. My best friend had the best time studying abroad in England right before the London Olympics. How exciting that must have been! I'm so glad she got to experience that for herself, but it wasn't feasible for me. I had too many responsibilities here and not enough money. I have a passport, but it is bereft of stamps. I feel so landlocked here. As much as I love America, I would love to see what the world has to offer. It's my oyster, after all.

So, what is my dream? I would love, love, love to travel the world. I want someone who is passionately in love with me and will want to build a life together...and will take out the trash and kill spiders and let me be in charge of the radio during long trips. I want two sweet little babies to love. I want an old Victorian house out west somewhere. I want to fill up my passport with wonderful adventures. I can get caught up with the fact that it's not happening NOW, but the thing that comforts me most is that every day that passes by is another day closer to fulfilling the deepest desires of my heart. It will happen soon. I think I now know what it means when it says in the Bible to pick up your cross daily and to follow God. It takes a monumental effort every day, and there are some times when the weight of your cross is too much to carry. You must have the mental effort to keep the faith every single day, because there are times when I feel like it's too much and I want to reject everything I believe in. Christianity is not easy, nor should it be. It's far too rewarding to be simple. I don't know why God is making me wait. I think God is trying to make me patient. But whatever it is, I can feel something good is going to happen soon in my life. Maybe it's a false alarm or a pipe dream, but the thought makes my cross a little easier to bear.

When we were kids, my sister and I really wanted a dog. Everyone had a dog except for us. For the longest time, my dad refused for a myriad of reasons. They were too much work, too messy, too complicated. We had to make do with lizards and turtles, which we enjoyed, but it was a substitute for what was really in our hearts. I don't know why my dad changed his mind, but one day when I was fourteen, Dad came home with a little black dog named Chompers that stole our hearts. Our great wish was fulfilled, and little Chompers was so worth the wait. So is everything else that I really want. And just like my little pumpkin muffin, it will come in its own time.

Writing My Heart Out

I remember learning about the Parable of the Talents in Sunday School, and being more peeved at the lesson than inspired. "To one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability." While they were talking about money in the Bible, it can also represent literal talents as well.

So...God gave me THIS talent, and someone else THAT one? God just gave someone MORE talents, and I'm stuck with just ONE?

I've been rather upset at the fact that I feel as though I've gotten the "lame" talents, while everyone  else has something cool. It seems as though everyone in my family  are wickedly in art, music, mechanics, etc. What am I good at? Writing.

I've felt let down in this department. Why couldn't I have been blessed with athleticism, so I wouldn't embarrass myself in gym? Why couldn't I have been graced with the vocal pipes of Stevie Nicks or Linda Ronstadt (my great-grandmother says I have a nice voice, so I'm holding out on this one)? Why was I stuck with writing? Anyone can write!

Then, I was reading A Tailor-Made Bride by Karen Witemeyer (an excellent book, if you're looking for a read), and the main character felt that not using her talent as a seamstress was a sin, because she was not using her gift that God had given her.

Really? Writing is a gift? And God wants me to use it?

Although I do sometimes wish I had a different talent, writing has been a passion of mine for years. Basically, ever since I learned how to write. I remember being amazed in kindergarten, learning how to write all the words I had already known. I was fascinated that d-o-l-l creates the word "doll," and that I had an image of the word that represented the object, and that I knew how to write it. I've had a notebook and pen glued to me ever since. I've started a hundred or more stories, but never seemed to finish one.

After reading the book, I realized that God did indeed bless me with this gift, and throwing it away would be disgraceful. I realized how much more I can do for God if I wrote for Him. Just like in the parable, where the master was angry at the servant for not utilizing his talents and investing them wisely, certainly God would be angry with me if I didn't utilize my talent to the best of my ability. And I can do so by not only writing a book, but perhaps by writing this blog.

Writing can take me on an amazing adventure. It can take places that teaching wouldn't, and it can give me a great sense of fulfillment and accomplishment. But most of all, it can allow me to glorify God in a way that I've never done before.

Leather and Lace

I changed my blog title to Leather and Lace.

And yes, I named it after the song.

Stevie Nicks and Don Henley would approve.

I was walking to the pool yesterday evening, and I just thought of it. It's the perfect title, and it describes me so perfectly! I'm a little bit of leather and lace. I'm leather because there's a certain toughness to me that most people cannot see. Plus, my love of rock and metal are pretty leather as well. I'm lace because I'm delicate and girly, and an old soul.

It's probably really lame and corny, but I like it, and it suits me. So, there's that!

XOXO,

Megan

Frivolous Spending

     Before I continue, let me make a disclaimer: I love spending money.

     Well, I have a love/hate relationship with spending money, but it sure is fun (when you have it). However, we Americans have a problem with spending money on the most stupid, frivolous things that are just money wasters. These things are so irrelevant, it makes me sick, and they are popularized by the Internet and the devil known as Pinterest. Here are a few of these money wasters that irk me...

1. Smash cakes

     I had never heard of a smash cake before until a few months ago. Basically, it's a small, separate cake that is for a baby's first birthday where he or she can "smash" it. 

     Stupid!

     Why would you spend extra money on a cake that is only going to be smeared around and played with? I get it, a baby's first birthday is special, and it's so cute to see them mess around with cake and smear it everywhere. But do they need a whole cake? What's wrong with just a piece of cake? Back in my day (the glorious '90s), we didn't have smash cakes. For my first birthday, my parents had my birthday party at McDonald's and there was one large sheet cake for everyone, including me, and that was enough. I didn't "need" a smash cake, and certainly no toddler "needs" one. It's just a frivolous expenditure popularized by our time that is just a big ol' waste of money.

2. Gender reveal parties

     When it comes to kids, people will spend an exorbitant amount of money, which is understandable. You need to capture memories and savor moments, which can require spending quite a bit of cash. But why in the world would you need a party to reveal the gender of your baby? That's what Facebook posts and group messages are for, idiots! Babies are precious, and yes, it's a time of joyous celebration, but with the baby showers, maternity/newborn photographs, birth announcements, etc..., people spend more money on a stupid party so they can tell people whether to buy blue or pink. Really, really dumb.

3. Save the Date announcements

     This one is probably the worst. Again, I had never heard of this until I saw it on Pinterest. It's a pre-wedding invitation telling people to "save the date" of their wedding. Isn't that what wedding invitations are for? Save the Date announcements are stupid because people spend more money doing exactly what wedding invitations do, so basically, these newfangled announcements are repetitive.

     I can somewhat understand it if a wedding is more than six months away, but if you're getting married within a few months and you send both a Save the Date announcement and a formal invitation, you're basically repeating yourself and wasting money. 

     Spend your money however you want to, but think about these things the next time you browse Pinterest.

I'm BAAAAACK!

After a four-month hiatus (I was super-stressed and super-busy with school and work), I am back in action! I have missed my blog, although I doubt anyone missed me. I am hoping to keep up with this blog more than I have in the past. Here's to hoping that it works out!

Songs That Should Disappear

***UNPOPULAR OPINION ALERT***

There may be some hurt feelings after this post, because I'm going to be brutally honest when I say that if I never listened to any of these songs again, I would be just fine. And some of these are genuine classics that EVERYONE loves. Except for me. I may love the artist, but some of their songs may be egregiously horrific.  Let me reiterate...these are not "bad" songs that are guilty pleasures like "Rico Suave." These songs are just plain awful. Drum roll, please...here's a compilation of songs that I cannot stand (in no particular order):

• "In the Air" by Phil Collins- I hate this song. It's only tolerable when Mike Tyson is singing it in The Hangover. The drum fill is not particularly impressive, either. I would much rather listen to "Sussudio." So sussu-sue me (pun very much intended)!
• "Born on the Bayou" by Creedence Clearwater Revival- This song was okay, until I was listening to it on the radio one night and it never seemed to end. It's not as terrible as some of the other songs on the list, but I would still prefer not to listen to it at all. 
• "Free Bird" by Lynyrd Skynyrd- The best part of this song is when it ends. I don't mind listening to an overly long song (I am, after all, a Zeppelin fan). But this one will NEVER STOP. IT KEEPS GOING. AND GOING. I love guitar solos, but this one is mediocre, at best. It's not interesting enough to keep listening to. It doesn't have the unique layers and intensity of Jimmy Page's outrageous solos. Plus, it's overrated. But I do like to shout out, "Play Free Bird!" when I'm at concerts for the heck of it...
• "She Blinded Me With Science" by Thomas Dolby- It should be, "He Deafened Me With This Awful Sound." This is a seminal piece from the '80s, but that doesn't make it suck any less.
• "We Will Rock You/We Are the Champions" by Queen- I'm not a Queen fan by any means (except for when I karaoke with my friends to "Bohemian Rhapsody"). I must change the station every time I hear these songs. Unfortunately, they're always played together, so the agony is doubled.
• Anything by U2- Without a doubt, my least-favorite band. You couldn't pay me to go to a U2 concert. "Sunday Bloody Sunday" is the only good song, in my opinion. Eww. I would rather listen to radio static than to suffer through "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For."

March Goals

Before I go over my March goals, let's go over how I did on my February ones:

1. Read at least one book- Ha, nope. Not even close.
2. Exercise for at least five days in a row- See above.
3. Cook something new- I did this, actually! I made chicken coated with olive oil, spices, and mozzarella. Pretty good, and cheap!
4. Get my parents' birthday gifts to them on time- Another miserly attempt. Sorry, Mama and Dad :( But they did receive some awesome gifts this year. 
5. Write two short stories- The problem with this is that when I write, I have to be inspired by something, and I didn't get inspired until this past week with an old family story. So, I hope to cultivate that within the following month.

Now, here are my March goals!

1. Lose five lbs.- I am not a nutritionist, so I don't even know if this is a healthy amount to lose in a month, but summer is coming, so let's just say it is for my sake. 
2. Work on the short story- It's a very interesting story, if I do say so myself. I hope to have enough time to work on it.
3. Write two letters via snail mail- I truly believe that writing letters is a lost art form. I used to send letters all the time, but email has rendered it useless these days. I have a couple of pen pals I will be writing. I've always wanted to have one, so this will be a cool project!
4. Keep up with current events- I'm horrible at knowing what's happening in the world. I do know that there are riots in Ukraine and rumors of Putin invading the country, but I could tell you little else. As an American citizen, I should know more about what is happening to this nation, and I will resolve this by reading news articles every day.
5. Have fun on Spring Break!- For the first time since elementary school, I'm finally GOING somewhere for Spring Break. I'll be visiting my dad in Georgia, and it will be so much fun hanging out with him. I also have other family down there, too, that I can't wait to see. The end of the month won't get here fast enough!

What are your goals for March?

Live and Let God

I have a horrible time giving God ultimate power in my life. I know from experience that He is always good and exceeds my expectations, but I'm still afraid to relinquish control. Humans can serve two masters- sin or God. Of course, God is merciful, so there is no slavery with Him, but freedom. Even though this is reassuring, it's still very, very hard to give up control. We think we know best. We think God will mess up, or not give us what we really want. It's a bitter pill to swallow, and a trial that most Christians go through.

It's funny, we live in an extremely lazy society, where we don't want to do anything for ourselves, and would rather blame others for our misfortune, but we don't want to let God do His part, which is to place all of our burdens upon Him. Jesus is the one who said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burden, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28). You would think that with our lazy society, we would be jumping for joy at that verse and gratefully giving God all of our problems, so we don't have to deal with it. Yet, we don't. We would much rather put it all on ourselves, when God wants us to depend on Him, not on ourselves.

When I was ten, I started a box to put all of my worries in. This was helpful for me, because I was overly-anxious about everything, and I think it helped alleviate some of my worries. Recently, I was reading Redeeming Love (the best book ever, by the way), and it mentions a prayer box, where you submit your prayers to God, and after you do, it becomes His problem, not yours. It reminded me of my worry box, and the comfort that it brought to me, so I've decided to do a prayer box as well. Whether or not I will completely "let go" is a question in of itself, but it's worth a shot!

Here are some things I will include:

• Friendships- I think you all are tired of reading about my horrendous social history, and I'm tired of thinking about it. You can never have too many friends, and I'm looking for true sisters in Christ who can help me grow to be a better person.
• Marriage- It's weird...my parents have always told me, "Don't get married until after you graduate from college!" from the time I was a little girl. Now that I'm going to graduate in less than a year, I guess I'm now allowed to (almost) get married! My mom has even made comments, stating, "Whenever you get married..." more often now. Call me traditional, but I have always wanted to be a wife and have children with the house and white picket fence and the whole nine yards. If it's a goal of mine, as it is, shouldn't I be pursuing it, especially since I'm of age now? It's something I look forward to in the future, and I want to start praying about it now.
• Adventure- I've had a plain vanilla cycle of existence for the past few years. Work. School. Work. School. Netflix. Work. School. Homework. Get distracted, watch Netflix. There's so much more to life that God has to offer, and I'm not doing myself any favors by caging myself. I believe God will present opportunities for me. 

I'm sure I'll have a whole list going once I start this. I encourage everyone to do this. Pin your hopes, dreams, worries, fears, desires, etc., all upon God. I promise, you won't be disappointed.

God bless!

XOXO,

Megan

Nostaliga, Pt. 2

I had so much fun doing Nostalgia, Pt. 1 and reliving some of the coolest parts of my childhood. I'm glad I decided to make this a regular series in my blog! Here are three more throwbacks...



1. Wimzie's House

PBS had awesome programming back in the 1990s. One of my favorite shows was Wimzie's House. Unfortunately, NO ONE REMEMBERS THIS SHOW! It was the cutest show of this half-dragon/half-bird and her friends. I can still hear the theme song in my head...ahhh, it just screams 1998. Good year, good year.



2. Singled Out 

Not only did I grow up on a steady diet of PBS and Disney, I also watched a lot of MTV with my parents. They were young in the 1990s, and even though they had kiddos, they were still very much hip and relevant to the their generation (thank goodness for that!). Because of that, I also took part in the pop culture of the 1990s. 'Tis a gift that I thank my parents for.

Singled Out  was me and my mom's SHOW! However, I had no idea what was going on. I only knew that Jenny McCarthy was blonde and pretty, like a Barbie doll, and I wanted to be like her. It was pretty entertaining, even though the basic premise of the show was way over my three-year-old head.



3. Dial-Up Internet



OH, THE HORROR! Of course, we didn't know anything different. We would just type in a web address, make a sandwich or two, then come back in thirty minutes to see if it was loaded or not. Downloading images was the WORST. That seemed to take twice as long. What was even worse was hearing this phrase: "Get off the Internet, I got to make a call!" Or, "I tried calling you, but you were on the Internet."

Then came the magic of high-speed Internet. It was like forbidden magic. If it was 17th century New England, we would have called it witchcraft and had it burned at the stake. But after a lifetime (eleven years, to be exact) of dial-up, it was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. I can clearly remember the day we got high-speed. My sister and I kept on clicking different websites, and to our amazement, IT SHOWED UP IMMEDIATELY! And the best part was that we could stay online AND OUR PARENTS COULD TALK ON THE PHONE! WOOO!

Peeking Out of My Shell

So, in my last post, I blogged about reclaiming my life and refusing to be victimized. I am slowly but surely trying to climb out of the hole I dug myself in, one step at a time.

I am hardly ever the initiator of a get-together. To me, it screams DESPERATION. Hey, I'm a lonely loser. Pity me for an hour over coffee, please? I decided that if I were to ever expand my circle of friends and come out of my loneliness, I needed to do something about it. I can't wait for things to fall into my lap, because I've been waiting for quite some time, and nothing has happened. It was time to take matters into my own hands.

I decided to go out for coffee with a girl I had been acquainted with some time ago. She is super-sweet, non-judgmental, and as talkative as I am, and I had always thought we would be great friends. We had coffee about a year ago, but in my shyness, I had never invited her to do anything else with me. I decided I'd reach out again, just to see if I could open myself out to one more friend. It worked spectacularly! It was much easier to open up and to be myself than I had thought. We even have plans coming up! I'm so excited. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship...

That same day, I also did the unthinkable- I went to a party. By myself.

GASP.

 I know, I know, completely out of character, but I thought I'd grow some balls and do it. It was an '80s murder mystery party. If you know anything about me, I LOVE the 1980s. I'm the queen of '80s music, movies, trivia, fashion, etc. I even dressed in an '80s prom/bridesmaid's dress for my senior homecoming. I was in my element at this party. It was really cool to create a different character and to scheme my way through the mystery. But then, it was winding down and everyone was out of character, and here I was, sitting on the floor singing to Journey completely alone, while everyone else was having a grand ol' time dancing and laughing and living. My mind immediately went back twelve years into the past when I would sing to myself on the playground while the other kids ran circles around me, not noticing me and my lonely soul. It was a weird deja vu feeling, and I began to feel a little sad.

No, I didn't completely open myself up at the party, but it was a huge leap for me, and that's all I can ask of myself. I'm not going to turn into a social butterfly immediately, but I made progress, and I'm proud of myself. I have a lot of work to do, but I know I can do it, one day at a time...

Pork and Beans

Metallica's one of my all-time favorite bands. In one of their songs, "Escape," it talks of freedom from the status quo and the power of individuality. Life's for my own to live my own way. I've said that for years, but now it's time to implement it into my life.

I've struggled with self-confidence issues my whole life, just like anyone. However, many events in my life have magnified my issues. I've been beaten down, discouraged, and felt as small as a soul could feel. I've constantly waged battles in my head. You're no good. It would be better if you died. You're an awful person. You don't deserve anything. You're mediocre.

As a coping mechanism, I've protected myself by becoming insular. When I went to college, I didn't set out to meet friends. I didn't need them. Why would I? They would only abandon me. I was there for a degree, not for friendships. Plus, they wouldn't really want me as a friend. I'm too much of a mess. I'm not as good as they are. As a consequence, I've been unhappy and lonely. I've made myself to be the victim.

I can't victimize myself any longer. When I do, the Devil wins. That's what he ultimately wants, a broken spirit. I've caged myself in for so long, it's time for me to fly. And I know I can go places. I can do anything I want to do. Life's for my own to live my own way. I just have to push through the guilt, the pain, the shame, and be free. I've persevered through so much, I can push myself further. I can do anything I set my mind to do. I'm just as good as anyone else in this world, and I deserve the happiness that's waiting for me.

Tomorrow, I'm going to a Murder Mystery party. I usually shun any social event out of fear and shyness. But not this time. I will go there and shine and be the Megan I know is buried underneath the scar tissue: fun-loving, silly, social, talkative, warm...If I let the Devil win, I will not have a life. I will be ensnared in sorrow for the rest of my life. I have so much to give. The world is my oyster, and I should take advantage of every opportunity. I only get one chance at life; it's time I started living that way. I am a child of God, a woman of worth, a force to be reckoned with. I can do it.

So, I'll start doing things MY way, and not feeling guilty whatsoever. I'm going to do more that makes me happy, whether watching Netflix or rock climbing. I'm going to find my strengths and cultivate them. I will expand my horizons and stop letting fear preventing me from living.

This is by no means a "poor me" post. I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me. I want people to feel empowered. I've had it tough, and I know everyone has issues they have to deal with. With the grace of God, anyone can get through anything. In Philippians 4:13, it states, "I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me." And that's a promise. He's helped me overcome many obstacles, and I know if I have Him in sight, I will find happiness. My experiences have given me inner-strength and perseverance. I can use those qualities to find happiness.

I began this post with a song, and I will end it with a song:

I'ma do the things that I wanna do,
I ain't got a thing to prove to you.
I eat my candy with the pork and beans.
Excuse my manners if I make a scene

I ain't gonna wear the clothes that you'll like.
I'm fine and dandy with the me inside.
One look in the mirror and I'm tickled pink.
I don't give a hoot about what you think.

XOXO,

Megan

Nostalgia Pt 1

I am notoriously sentimental. When I was living at home, I was often scolded for "reminiscing," rather than cleaning. Sorry I have so many memories I love to savor and relive! So, I thought about starting a series on my blog on things that bring back a total wave of nostalgia. While it's not good not continually look to the past, you must look back to know which way you are moving forward. So, here are the first three items of nostalgia!

1. Stirrup Pants

Leggings or pants? You choose.

Who remembers these bad boys? They were quite popular in the mid-1990s. I had one pair of red stirrup pants that my mom made me wear for a day. They were so uncomfortable, and I hated that band of fabric under my feet, so I whined and cried until Mom gave me another pair of pants. I've never worn stirrup pants again, but now I think they would be a useful wardrobe staple, especially when wearing boots...


2. Barbie's Fold-Out House

Magical memories were made in this house. This was the most tricked-out Barbie house any young girl could have had in 1997. It came with furniture, EVEN A BED! The coolest part was the revolving TV/mirror that you could spin the TV into the bedroom so Barbie and Ken could catch up on late night TV before they hit the sack. Listen, I am a grown 21-year-old woman, and I still salivate over that house.

3. The X-Files

There was not, and has not, been a more creepier show than The X-Files. I made the mistake of watching it once with my dad, and it has scarred me. I watched five minutes of this show, and I have been scared of this show for the past fifteen years. The eerie theme music is playing in my mind right now as I type this. What's up with the creepy whistling? Also, as if the show couldn't get any weirder, what's with the names Mulder and Scully? Creeeeeepy. 

Despite its weirdness, it did foster my ongoing crush on David Duchovny.

Olympic Fever

I'm an Olympic junkie. I followed the 2012 London games with enthusiasm, and I went through a major withdrawal, so I'm excited that the Olympics are back! The games are permeated with the patriotism and pride that is normally not present in everyday life here in the U.S.A. Unfortunately, it seems that every other nation has less-than-favorable opinion of our country. Heck, even Americans hate America. But during the Olympics, there's a great sense of national pride. I love hearing the chants of "USA! USA! USA!" We come together as one to support our athletes and to elevate the United States.

But as I watch these young athletes winning medals and achieving their dreams, I often think to myself, "They've accomplished more than I ever will in my entire life." I may never do something as incredible as compete in the Olympics. I may just be a pretty good teacher, and leave it as that. I may instill a love of all things history to my students, but where do I leave the mark for myself? Where's my legacy? Will I always have this ordinary life with nothing to show for it? Do I have the potential to do something great with my life? Are people predestined for great things, and some destined to sit on the sidelines?

When I was seven, I started playing the violin. I quit about a year later for many reasons (one of them being that I wasn't learning how to play rock and roll). Can you imagine how GOOD I would be if I never quit? I could have earned a ticket to Julliard. When I was in high school, I wanted to be an actress, but I surrendered that as well. What if I have great potential inside me to win Oscars and Golden Globes?

I've always felt that I was destined to do something great. I don't know what my destiny is, but I don't think it is merely raising the average test scores of students and grading papers my whole life. I might have something great inside of me, some untapped potential. Who knows, maybe I have the ability to be an Olympic champion in curling (I would bet on it...part of my family is from Canada). You only get one chance at life...why not make the best of it and try to be the very best you can be?

So, as you sit watching figure skating and hockey, don't get discouraged by your lack of success. There is potential inside of everybody.

Be My Valentine

Every year, I vow to have a special someone by Valentine's Day, and every year, I am disappointed. This year was no different...at first.

Originally, I had planned to spend my Valentine's Day as I usually do- curl up with a blanket, watch copious amounts of Netflix, and sulk while torturing myself with Instagram pics of girls and their Valentines. Bitter, sad, and single on Valentine's Day...oh, how lovely!

Fortunately, my BFF saved me from a day filled with self-pity and Ben & Jerry's. We went to Green Hills in Nashville and painted the town red! Actually, brown would be a better color, because we slipped in mud. But I digress...we went to the movies and saw Endless Love while we were on a three hour wait list to eat at the Cheesecake Factory. Yes, we waited nearly three hours to eat cheesecake. And it was worth every delicious morsel.

It didn't stop there. My mom gave me her traditional box of chocolates that she has done for years and years. Then, my dad and stepmom sent me a wonderful card in the mail. Even though I'm twenty-one years old and on my own, it felt so great to be remembered by the most special people in my life.

Yes, Valentine's Day is mainly geared toward overly-gushy couples, but it's not excluded to your significant other or your spouse; it's about showing your loved ones that you care about them, and that your love for them is unconditional. Valentine's Day may also be a conspiracy set up by the government to induce consumer spending (well played, Congress), but it's still a fun holiday to celebrate. It also gives us the excuse to eat an entire box of chocolates in one sitting.

However, love and affection should not be shown ONLY on Valentine's Day. As James Taylor once sang, Shower the people you love with love; show them the way that you feel...every day!

While I didn't have a hot boyfriend pelting me with rose petals, I did have the best Valentine's Day ever with the people I love most in this world. And that's what counts.

Until next time...

XOXO,
Megan

February Goals

Here's another factoid about me- I LOVE making lists. LOVE IT! I even like making grocery lists. And as you can see from my lengthy New Year's Resolution post, I love goal-oriented lists (even though I never finish them). When I recently came across two blogs that had monthly goals, my heart fluttered at the sight of yet another list for me to make. While New Year's Resolutions are very broad and large goals, monthly goals can be baby steps. Completing these will increase my confidence to follow through to my larger goals.

Here's my list of goals for February...

1. Read at least one book- I've picked up Janette Oke's When Calls the Heart at the library. I'm a sucker for sugary sweet Christian romance novels. Plus, the movie is great!
2. Exercise for five days in a row- You all may laugh at this, but I'm serious!
3. Cook something new- I love to cook, so this one will be interesting. Plus, I'm getting tired of Minute Rice...
4. Get my parents' birthday gifts to them on time- I'm horrible about this. Both of their birthdays are this month, and it always sneaks up on me. 
5. Write two short stories- Writing is a creative outlet for me. I need to do more of it!
   

I encourage you all to set monthly goals for yourself, and I hope you all complete whatever goals you have set! February is a short month, so we better get started! :)

Confessions

Apparently, people are doing confessions on Facebook this month. I really don't have a lot of confessions, because I don't have much to hide, and my life is pretty much an open book. I tried to think of interesting things that would make great confession material, but I have very little. However, I am offering a few interesting tidbits that I think are funny (or maybe they're pitiful, depends on your perspective).

1. I drank from a sippy cup until I was in elementary school. One reason is that I have a younger sister, so it was easier for us all to have sippy cups. But the main reason was that I was too clumsy to drink from regular cups.
2. I had the worst crooked teeth EVER. I cringe every time I look at a photo of myself from between the ages of nine to fourteen. They were rough years.
3. My right pinky is crooked from a basketball mishap.
4. I recently cut my hair about three to four inches shorter. I cried through the whole process.
5. Sometimes I cry when I think/listen/talk about Led Zeppelin.
6. I regret my entire collegiate experience thus far. But that's okay, I'm outta here in T-minus ten months and one week. Not that I'm counting...
7. My sister and I had a succession of pet turtles that were each named Turd. Turd I, Turd, Jr., and Turd the Third.
8. Turd the Third died when my dad accidentally left it outside. 
9. My parents, bless their hearts, always encouraged my nerdy interests. They bought me educational books, a telescope, a microscope, and a solar system model. Never once did they think to themselves, "Will our daughter ever have a normal social life?" Thank you, Mom and Dad...seriously!
10. I hate blood, even my own. It's so gross! But surprisingly, my favorite movie is the ever-gory Goodfellas. What can I say, I am a walking paradox.

New Year's Resolutions

I'm constantly late to everything. Class, appointments, dinner dates with friends...you name it. So, why should my post on New Year's Resolutions be any different?

I love the New Year. It's a time of reflection and introspect. We're all given a tabula rasa with the New Year. That's not to say that you can't start anew any other day of the year, but there's something psychologically refreshing about a new year that gives us the push we need to start fresh.

I've been making my New Year's Resolution list for years now...and I've never fulfilled them. Never. Never. I figured that this year should be different. It's a big year for me, personally. I turned twenty-one two weeks ago (whoop whoop). I graduate in December and will (hopefully) land my big-girl job as a history teacher soon after. Being twenty-one, I am legally an adult in all ramifications now. It's time I made some changes in my life that will be beneficial and rewarding. And it's high time I stick to them.

So, without further adieu, here is my 2014 New Year's Resolution List...

1. Lose weight and Exercise- Perhaps the most universal of all NYRs. I'm not fat by any means, but I've been carrying on some extra lbs. that need to go ASAP. When I was ten years old, I weighed a whopping sixty pounds. Let me reiterate that- SIXTY POUNDS. I ate precisely two chocolate Poptarts every day for breakfast, and was still skinny as a rail (and I thought I was fat...HA HA HA). Now, I can look at a slice of cake and gain five pounds. What happened to the skinny mini Megan? Where is she? I'll tell you where- hiding underneath twenty extra pounds, that's where! Plus, I do need to be healthier. My family's medical history is rife with heart disease, hypertension, diabetes, and pretty much anything involving the heart and arteries, and I'm pretty sure that it could have been avoided with the proper diet and exercise. So, there's more to my resolution than to just get skinny...I need to get healthier. Plain and simple. But I will still make room for Girl Scout Cookie season...
2. Read more- When I was younger, I read voraciously. I would spend hours locked away in my room devouring books. This includes the Twilight novels, unfortunately, but the past is the past...Anyhoo, I loved reading, but it somehow fell to the wayside sometime during my high school years. Then, reading became a chore. I hate reading textbooks, and most of the assigned reading we had to do was boring. I cannot and will not finish a book if it does not interest me, and most required reading in school was horrendous (*Unpopular Opinion Alert* Fahrenheit 451 is one of the worst books of all time). And with the advent of social media, I determined that stalking my crush was far more entertaining than reading. Plus, you want to do something mindless after jargon has been ingrained in your head for eight hours a day. I do still love reading and being caught up in the whirlwind of the plot, so I've decided to reignite my love of reading.
3. Have a closer walk with God- I've always believed in God. I was reared in church my entire life, and I was saved and baptized at the age of eight. When I was younger and a newly saved, I read my Bible every day and prayed every night. I asked my mom what I should do as a new Christian, and what was expected of me. Somewhere along the way, I fell out of the wagon. I still go to church. I still believe in God. Unfortunately, I don't always read the Bible or pray. You can call me a "Sunday Christian," I suppose. However, it is high time things have changed. I've idolized other things, rather than being focused on the things above that is of lasting value. This world and its earthly materials will not last. I need to focus on the Most High, who never changes and will always remain.
4. Save money- Eeeeek. This one scares me. While I am not a total spendthrift, I don't save much of my money, either. What do I mainly spend my money on? Food (this is linked to #1). While it may be easier to save money when I get a more comfortable income, I need to start doing it now.
5. Be organized, and keep my apartment clean- I have a feeling this is will be a challenge. I am, by nature, a slovenly person (I have a suspicion that it's somehow genetic). This completely contradicts everything a girl is supposed to be: clean, orderly, multi-tasker extraordinaire...let's be real, the only real multitasking I can do is watching Parks and Recreation on Netflix while eating potato chips. My mother says, "A cluttered desk is a cluttered mind," but what of an empty desk? People who work at messy areas are successful and creative, and it's been scientifically proven. If you don't believe me, just look here. But, nonetheless, no man will ever want to marry a slob, so I must clean up my act if I am to catch a husband. Which is, after all, my main goal in life, no sarcasm (that's for another post).
6. Watch more T.V./movies- While this may completely contradict numbers 1, 2, and 5, and may reaffirm the fact that I am, indeed, lazy, I do need to catch up on a lot of things. I still haven't finished all seasons of The Office. I need to rewatch How I Met Your Mother before the series finale in March. I also need to watch this year's biggest contenders for the Oscars so I can make my predictions of the awards (nerdy, I know). Anyways, I have a lot of catching up to do. Plus, binge Netflixing is one of my favorite activities. 
7. Find my talent- *Author's note: I promise I am not trying to brag, I am just trying to prove my point and explain my situation!*  I have always been smart. School has always been pretty easy for me (except where math is involved, but that's a different story). It's been a burden and a blessing. Yes, I've made good grades and I do well on tests without much preparation, and there is a great sense of pride and accomplishment in wowing your peers and family with your knowledge. However, I've been seen as this giant brain stuffed with knowledge...but little else. What else do I have to offer the world besides knowing a copious amount of trivia? I literally cannot do anything else. I can't play soccer. I can't dance. I'm not a musical virtuoso. But I can sure score well on a test. What am I going to do after I leave college? I won't have another talent to fall back on. There won't be anything else I can do. Sure, being intelligent will help me in many areas of my life, but isn't there more to me than just a brain? I'm determined to find out.
8. Make new friends- Another scary one. If you read a list of qualities in an introvert, you will have an idea of what I am like. I'm not technically shy, and I don't mind getting up in front of a crowd, but people in general exhaust me. I always feel the need to "recharge" after being in a social situation. I love solitude and being alone. Besides, people irritate me, and like my dad always says, "80% of the world is stupid." Combine that with my poor social history, and you have a pitiful soul. I've always been a loner, and I was a late bloomer, socially. I was bullied in elementary school, which did nothing to bolster my self-confidence. In high school, I blossomed into this social butterfly and suddenly had more friends than I knew what to do with. Now, most of those friends have moved away, and some have married. I now only have three good friends who I keep in close contact with. Here's the kicker- none of them live in my town. NONE. As Paul McCartney once sang, "All the lonely people, where do they all come from? All the lonely people, where do they all belong?" I've tried to be strong and resist invitations to outings simply because I didn't feel the need to have friends, but I've found that I've dug a hole around myself that I can't get out of. So, my goal for this year is to quit being so stubborn and try to extend friendship to people. Hopefully my social calendar will be more full, although I do need some time to myself to watch all of those movies and shows...
9. Write a full-length novel- Besides my large brain, my other talent is writing, but that's too closely tied to academia for me to be satisfied (I'm really trying to go out on a limb with the talent ordeal). However, I do love to write, as you all can tell by this lengthy blog post, and this is just me curbing it for your sake. I've been creating stories since I was in the first grade, writing about Sailor Moon and historical fiction (no kidding, seriously). I've written hundreds of pages, planning novels, characters, plots, everything. And while I've finished a few short stories, I have never written a full-length novel. One of my long-term goals is to be a published author, and I believe that I can do it. I have a plethora of ideas in my brain, but I just have to finally put them to paper. My goal this year is to write a full-length novel. It will most likely just be a draft, but the fact that I've written over ten pages will be a huge accomplishment to me.
10. Journal/blog more- I am not good at keeping up with anything, least of all, a blog. In the past, I have attempted to write blogs, but I made a couple of posts and abandoned the projects altogether. NOT THIS TIME! I really want to keep this up. I think blogging is a great way to detail your musings on life. I also used to journal quite a bit. Unfortunately, most of my journals have been lost as my family has moved, so I would like to start that again. What a great way to pass down your own personal history to your grandchildren. 

Okay, so there you have it- my main list of New Year's Resolutions. As you all can see, my basic task is this- DO NOT BE LAZY. It truly is the root of most of my resolutions. Wish me luck!