Peeking Out of My Shell

So, in my last post, I blogged about reclaiming my life and refusing to be victimized. I am slowly but surely trying to climb out of the hole I dug myself in, one step at a time.

I am hardly ever the initiator of a get-together. To me, it screams DESPERATION. Hey, I'm a lonely loser. Pity me for an hour over coffee, please? I decided that if I were to ever expand my circle of friends and come out of my loneliness, I needed to do something about it. I can't wait for things to fall into my lap, because I've been waiting for quite some time, and nothing has happened. It was time to take matters into my own hands.

I decided to go out for coffee with a girl I had been acquainted with some time ago. She is super-sweet, non-judgmental, and as talkative as I am, and I had always thought we would be great friends. We had coffee about a year ago, but in my shyness, I had never invited her to do anything else with me. I decided I'd reach out again, just to see if I could open myself out to one more friend. It worked spectacularly! It was much easier to open up and to be myself than I had thought. We even have plans coming up! I'm so excited. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship...

That same day, I also did the unthinkable- I went to a party. By myself.

GASP.

 I know, I know, completely out of character, but I thought I'd grow some balls and do it. It was an '80s murder mystery party. If you know anything about me, I LOVE the 1980s. I'm the queen of '80s music, movies, trivia, fashion, etc. I even dressed in an '80s prom/bridesmaid's dress for my senior homecoming. I was in my element at this party. It was really cool to create a different character and to scheme my way through the mystery. But then, it was winding down and everyone was out of character, and here I was, sitting on the floor singing to Journey completely alone, while everyone else was having a grand ol' time dancing and laughing and living. My mind immediately went back twelve years into the past when I would sing to myself on the playground while the other kids ran circles around me, not noticing me and my lonely soul. It was a weird deja vu feeling, and I began to feel a little sad.

No, I didn't completely open myself up at the party, but it was a huge leap for me, and that's all I can ask of myself. I'm not going to turn into a social butterfly immediately, but I made progress, and I'm proud of myself. I have a lot of work to do, but I know I can do it, one day at a time...